Are you feeling stressed, frustrated, or overwhelmed by your child's behavior?
*Is “listening” a problem for your child? Is their basic approach to life “my way or no way?” Is everything an argument? Do you find yourself fighting with your child, or yelling at them, because they can’t just do what you ask?
We can show you how to teach your child to listen, and meet their obligations, without all the arguments, fights, and daily stress. Your child CAN cooperate with you, and it doesn’t have to be a battle!
*What about downright defiance? Does your child flat-out refuse to meet expectations? Do they find a way around the rules? Do they go so far as to threaten you when you try to set limits?
We can show you how to set limits with even the most challenging kids! And we can show you how to do it in a way that minimizes their resistance and makes them more willing to follow your lead.
*Is your child easily frustrated and quick to anger? Do their meltdowns or tantrums seem excessive? Does their anger lead to physical aggression?
We can show you how you should be responding to your child’s intense emotions (it’s not what most other experts say to do!). And we can show you how to teach your child to express their anger without being aggressive.
*Have you already tried the mainstream solutions -- Positive Discipline, psychotherapy, Connection, curbing your communication so you're mostly calm and patient... but these things haven't worked, or if they did work, it was only for a while?
The strategies we show you will work long-term, so you can put an end to your search for parenting tools that work! That's a promise.
Here's what our clients are saying!
My 9 year old daughter, with ADHD, refused to cooperate, do chores or listen to anything we said. My 4 year old was quickly following in her sister's footsteps. Both kept having crying, screaming tantrums. Rebecah helped us with quick and easy parenting behaviors designed to improve our relationship with the girls and help us be better parents. Rebecah's techniques have made a huge difference in our lives. (We've asked Rebecah to extend our coaching package as her help has been invaluable during these challenging times.)
--Nikhila P, San Francisco, CA
Rebecah really helped turn things around for our son, who started exhibiting tons of strong-willed kid challenges (like hitting at home and preschool), along with exasperating fixations on routines and lots of meltdowns. After just a few sessions with Rebecah, our kid started to markedly change, and those behaviors have now almost entirely disappeared. Rebecah gave us so many specific ideas and strategies to weave into the day to day and they REALLY worked. She is amazing at adapting what she knows to your kid and your family. We cannot recommend her highly enough!
--Maggie P, San Francisco, CA
Our family benefited so much from our sessions with Rebecah. She listened carefully to every challenge we were facing, and provided practical advice to address difficult behaviors. Even more importantly, she helped us understand our child's mindset and she taught us how to involve our child in the creation of rules, so we can collaborate rather than engage in constant power struggles. We didn't anticipate such immediate results -- and we also weren't expecting that the sessions would do so much to help us get on the same page as parents!
--Elyse M, New York City, NY
Rebecah Freeling is a MIRACLE WORKER! Our child has been “intense” since day one, and working with Rebecah has been life-changing. Applying what we have learned has completely changed our home life and our parental relationships with our intense child. Rebecah's services are worth every penny. My only regret is that we didn't hire her years ago!
--Hella S, Brooklyn, NY
We were literally at our wits' end trying to parent a teen with ADHD and oppositional behaviors. Thankfully we found Rebecah Freeling and gave her program a shot. We couldn't be more pleased with the progress after only a couple of months. Rebecah listens to your issues, dives in on the family circumstances, and provides practical, hands-on and simple advice to tackle the "tricky" and unwanted behaviors. The changes have been real and it's put us in a place where we feel in control and more assured of how to respond (and whether to respond) when behaviors flare. Rebecah is terrific -- always responsive to calls for help between sessions and each session ends with a short, practical list of steps to implement for next time. We couldn't recommend her more highly."
--Karen R, Ripon, CA
Here's some of what you get when you work with us
- Non-punitive accountability tools that dramatically reduce or eliminate the arguing and fighting that happens when your child doesn’t listen or do what they’re supposed to do. Our accountability tools are a great fit for strong-willed, oppositional, or defiant kids – not only will they reinforce your parental role and position you as a leader in your family, they’ll also enhance your child’s sense of autonomy and control.
- Strategies for working with your child’s frustration, anger, and/or aggression (if needed). These are not your standard Positive Discipline tools and some of what you’ll learn may surprise you!
- Strategies and scripts to resolve sibling fighting in a way that teaches the kids how to resolve conflict, all without putting you in the role of arbiter or judge.
- Tools and strategies that are customized for your family and your situation -- and when we say we’ll tweak the tools to fit your situation, we mean it! As one of our clients puts it, “Rebecah is amazing at adapting what she knows to your kid and your family.” This is one reason our programs are so effective.
- Between-session email and text support, so you don't “get stuck” between sessions. Parents often reach out to us between sessions to ask a question about a strategy that was provided in session; to get help adapting a strategy to a particular situation or challenge; or just to vent and get support when their child’s behavior is particularly difficult.
- Notes from each session and written plans for each week.
- An effective, sustainable approach that will solve the problems that brought you to us. Many of our clients tell us that we’ve been able to help when their doctors, therapists and psychiatrists could not. Our strategies work because they’re specifically designed for strong-willed kids and they’re adapted to work with your family.
Some Frequently-Asked Questions
How old are the kids you work with?
The families we work with include kids of all ages, from toddlers to teens. This is partly because the broader strategies that underlie our work are not age-dependent — they’re relevant to kids of any age. And we know how to apply these strategies regardless of age!
What's the difference between parent coaching and psychotherapy?
In our experience (we do have a psychologist on our team :)), and based on what our clients tell us, some main differences between therapy and Wits’ End Parenting are…
1. A difference in focus and strategies. Many if not most therapists focus on feelings and the client’s management of feelings. We focus much more on the communication patterns between the parents on the kids -- and we also focus much more on setting things up so that difficult feelings decrease, so there is less need to manage them. We also take a good hard look at practical, physical realities, for example, schedules or family routines. Our approach tends to be very concrete and practical, which makes the material much easier to implement.
2. A difference in the helping professional’s view of the client and the problem. Psychology and psychotherapy have deep roots in a view of the client as “troubled,” emotionally off-balance, or otherwise deficient. Although some therapists resist pathology-oriented interpretations, a pathology orientation is an integral aspect of most therapists’ training.
3. A difference in focus on the parents vs. the kids. When a child’s behavior is the problem, although many therapists do work with the parents, they tend to work as much or more with the child. In contrast, our focus is less on teaching the child and more on teaching you how to teach your child. We think this if much more efficient. It’s way more effective for you to manage a negative behavior when and where it happens than it is for you to rely on a third-party to attempt to resolve the problem by talking about it a day or a week later in therapy.
I want to enroll, but my child doesn't want to participate.
If your child does not want to participate in your coaching program, that’s OK. On the other hand, if your child is refusing to participate there’s a good chance they’re refusing to do other things, too! And did you know that these kind of compliance- and cooperation issues are actually best handled in conversations with just the parents? This is why we structure our programs so that our first coaching sessions take place without the kids.
In fact, you can solve all of the problems that bring you to us whether or not your child comes to your sessions — simply because that’s what we do — we teach YOU to solve these problems.
Our approach doesn’t depend on our convincing your child to do things differently. When a child participates, yes, we do help change their perspective, and that’s great. But the main focus of our work is on teaching you to work with your child in ways that get you the changes you’re wanting.
This is a significant difference between our approach and psychotherapy. When a child’s behavior is the problem, although many therapists do work with the parents, they tend to work as much or more with the child. In contrast, our focus is less on teaching the child and more on teaching you how to teach your child. We think this if much more efficient. It’s way more effective for you to manage a negative behavior when and where it happens than it is for you to rely on a third-party to attempt to resolve the problem by talking about it a day or a week later in the office.
Still worried that your program won’t be effective if your kid won’t participate? Check out the Yelp review from Pamela P!
Do you work with schools?
Yes, we do work with schools, and schools often ask us to provide both teacher training and parenting workshops for their parent community. When parents ask us to help with the child’s behavior at school we start by reaching out to the school to see if they are open to working with us. Not all schools or teachers are open to receiving input from professionals outside the school setting. But when they are, we can help!
What if my child doesn't respond to your methods?
We can honestly say that, when parents are committed to the process, we've never worked with a family whose child hasn’t responded favorably to our approach. And a big reason for this is that we apply proven principles in specific ways that fit with YOUR family's situation and YOUR child’s unique temperament.
On the other hand, there is a learning curve! Most if not all of our clients experience at least a few instances where their child doesn’t respond as expected. This is absolutely normal – in fact, it’s inevitable. You and your child are in a process of new learning. But don't worry -- if you practice what we’ve shown you and your child doesn’t respond, we’ll show you how to tweak what you’re doing so that your child does respond. When kids don't respond, it's almost always a matter of adjusting the technique, or adjusting the way the parents are implementing it; it's almost never a problem with the strategy per se. This is one reason we offer between-session support -- so when things don't go as planned, you can troubleshoot in the moment, and you don't have to wait until your next session to fix it.