There are three main pieces to our parenting approach. We may or may not focus on each piece in our work with you – that depends on the coaching program(s) you choose. But we believe that for parents and kids to relate to each other in a harmonious way – and for that peace and harmony to continue long-term, three things are needed:
First, parents need to be the leaders of the family, and they need to hold kids accountable to follow their lead.
Second, parents should ask kids to contribute in a significant way to the operations of the household, because that position of responsibility helps kids to develop a real experience of “We’re all in this together.” And when kids really live that experience, they become more willing to cooperate, because they really do feel more like they’re a part of a team — a team they want to support.
And third, we teach parents and kids to make decisions and solve problems together in a real, genuine way. Especially with oppositional kids, if they have a genuine voice in decision-making, this meets their need for autonomy and control, and when this need is met, they don’t have to exercise control in inappropriate ways. We’ve developed our own unique process for teaching this third piece, because without the right structure, many of the most strong-willed kids won’t actually collaborate!